There has been a traditional notion that women are supposed to deal with every flaw of the man, even if it will be to their detriment. There is a growing concern, however, that mothers should take more responsibility rather than let their sons' wives deal with the consequences of poor upbringing in their marriages.
A video recently went viral where a woman advised her fellow women not to reciprocate when their husbands cheat. She also made a deeply concerning statement. She said, "If your husband is a cheater, you need to help him in that area. You are his helper, you are responsible for his upbringing too, don’t you know you are his mother?"
This statement is troubling on many levels, not just because of its implications but because it promotes the idea that wives are somehow responsible for fixing their husbands. It also reveals an underlying issue in how society enables bad behaviour in men.
The role of mothers
Let's begin with the mothers. Mothers are often the first and most significant influence in their sons' lives. They shape their values, guide their emotional development, and help form their sense of responsibility.
Unfortunately, some mothers unknowingly or intentionally enable bad behaviour by allowing their sons to grow up without clear boundaries or consequences for their actions. They sometimes excuse misbehaviour as "boys being boys," or downplay the importance of emotional maturity and accountability in their sons.
When such boys grow up without learning the importance of respect, commitment, and self-control, they often carry these defects into adulthood. This creates men who expect their wives to take on the role of mothers, cleaning up their messes, excusing their faults, and, ultimately, tolerating behaviour like cheating.
These men are not prepared for marriage because they've never been taught to take responsibility for their actions.
Wives are partners, not mothers
A wife is not a man's mother, she is his partner. Marriage should be a relationship of mutual respect, support, and love, not one where a wife is burdened with the responsibility of raising a grown man.
The idea that a woman should help her husband overcome his cheating by correcting him like his mother would is absurd. It is not her job to teach him the basic principles of fidelity, loyalty, and respect. These are traits that should have been instilled in him long before he got married.
While marriage requires support from both sides, there is a difference between supporting a partner through a difficult time and taking responsibility for their personal growth or character flaws. A wife cannot and should not be expected to rehabilitate a man's poor choices, especially when those choices involve breaking the trust in the marriage.
Cheating should not be reciprocated
Now, let’s address the matter of wives cheating in response to their husbands' infidelity. While it may seem like an act of justice, a do-me, I do-you situation or a way to reclaim power in a broken relationship, it is counterproductive.
Cheating as retaliation does not solve the issue at hand; it only adds another layer of hurt and complication to the relationship. When a husband cheats, the betrayal is devastating. It shakes the foundation of trust that marriage is built upon.
But by cheating in response, the wife places herself in the same position as the man she resents, and that can potentially destroy any chance of healing or resolution.
Instead of stooping to the same level, wives should take the higher road. This does not mean they should tolerate the behaviour. It means they should approach the situation with clarity, dignity, and self-respect.
If the relationship cannot be saved, walking away with their integrity intact is always a better option than mirroring the hurtful behaviour.
Shifting the responsibility
The narrative that women are responsible for fixing their husbands must change. Men should come into marriages as adults, emotionally mature, responsible, and prepared to be partners. Mothers need to raise their sons with the values and discipline that will allow them to enter relationships with maturity. And wives should never be placed in the position of being their husbands' moral compass or emotional caretakers.
Marriage is a partnership, not a parent-child relationship. While wives should stand by their husbands through challenges, they are not responsible for raising them into better men. That job should have been done long before they said, "I do."
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and not of the organisation TheRadar
6 signs your husband may be cheating on you
Meanwhile, TheRadar earlier reported on six signs to look out for if you suspect that your husband is cheating on you.
They may be subtle but are pointers to infidelity. Paying more attention to his appearance, becoming more secretive, or suddenly more loving than usual are some of the signs that your husband may be cheating on you.