- Maintaining a relationship with Nigerian in-laws can be challenging, but it’s not impossible
- It takes patience, respect, and understanding from both sides
- Here is how to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws
In Nigeria, marrying someone means marrying into their entire family. For many, the relationship with in-laws can be one of the trickiest aspects of marriage.
Our cultural norms place a strong emphasis on family ties, and this makes dealing with in-laws and their expectations sometimes challenging.
So how do you strike the balance between respecting tradition, maintaining your sanity, and keeping your marriage?
Here are some practical ways on how you can maintain a healthy relationship with your Nigerian in-laws:
- Understand their importance in your spouse’s life
In Nigerian culture, family is everything. It’s important to realize that your spouse’s family plays a big role in their life, and it will be the same for you too. This means respecting the bond they share with their parents and siblings.
Whether you’re a wife trying to get along with your husband’s parents or a husband learning to navigate your wife’s family traditions, the first step is understanding how much they mean to your partner.
Your in-laws, especially Nigerian mothers, often have deep emotional ties to their children, especially their sons. It can be easy to feel threatened by this closeness, but it’s best to see it from a place of love rather than competition.
A healthy approach is to embrace the family connection and find ways to bond with them, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Show genuine interest in getting to know your in-laws. Ask about their family history, values, and traditions.
This will go a long way in building mutual respect and understanding.
- Set boundaries respectfully
One of the most important things in maintaining a healthy relationship with Nigerian in-laws is setting boundaries gently but firmly. This can be tricky because cultural expectations often allow in-laws, especially parents, to have a say in their children's marriages.
Whether it’s opinions on how to raise your kids or how to run your home, Nigerian in-laws can be very involved. While their advice may come from a place of love, it’s essential that your marriage operates on your terms.
It’s all about balance. You can be polite and still communicate your needs as a couple. It’s important that both you and your spouse agree on these boundaries and present a united front. For example, if your in-laws want to drop by unannounced, but you prefer some notice, it’s okay to kindly ask for a heads-up next time. The key is to be respectful in how you communicate these boundaries. You can have your spouse address delicate issues with their family. They know their family better and can handle sensitive topics in a way that won’t cause unnecessary drama.
- Pick your battles
There will be disagreements no matter how much you try to avoid them. Nigerian parents are known for their strong opinions, and it’s easy to feel frustrated by unsolicited advice or pressure to conform to certain family traditions.
But not every issue needs to be a battle. Sometimes, for the sake of peace and a healthy relationship, it’s better to let certain things slide.
Learning to pick your battles is important. If your in-law’s opinion on what you should cook for a family event is something you can accommodate without feeling stressed, then do it.
However, if it’s something that crosses a line, like trying to make major decisions about your personal life, it’s worth calmly standing your ground. Not every comment needs a response.
Take a deep breath, smile, and remind yourself of the bigger picture; a peaceful and happy marriage.
- Show gratitude and respect
In our society, respect is a huge part of culture, especially when it comes to elders. One way to build and maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws is to always show gratitude and respect.
If they give advice, even if you disagree, thank them. If they visit, be hospitable. Little gestures like greeting them properly, asking after their well-being, or even sending them gifts on occasion can go a long way in creating a good relationship.
Your in-laws need to know that you appreciate them, and it doesn't hurt to show that you're making an effort. This doesn’t mean you have to bend over backwards to please them, but small acts of respect and kindness can soften any rough edges in your relationship.
If you live far from your in-laws, call them occasionally to check up on them. It shows you care and helps build a personal relationship outside of your marriage.
- Find common ground
When you marry into a Nigerian family, you’re likely to find cultural differences or conflicting values. It may be religious practices, views on parenting, or even food preferences, these differences can sometimes cause tension.
The best way to avoid conflict is to find common ground with your in-laws. This could be through shared hobbies, mutual interests, or simply bonding over family stories.
For instance, if your in-laws love traditional food, you could take the initiative to learn how to cook some of their favourite dishes. Or, if they enjoy certain family traditions, participate where you feel comfortable.
Finding things you can enjoy together makes interactions easier and more enjoyable for everyone.
Don’t just focus on the differences. Look for shared values, whether it’s love for family, respect for culture, or anything else that can create a stronger bond.
- Stand with your spouse
At the end of the day, your marriage comes first. It’s important that you and your spouse remain a team when dealing with in-law dynamics.
In marriages, when either partner feels unsupported, it can lead to resentment. Both partners need to defend and protect each other from unfair treatment, while still maintaining respect for the family.
If your in-laws overstep, your spouse should be the one to address it with them, not you. This ensures that your partner is acting as the bridge between you and their family, preventing misunderstandings from turning into full-blown conflict.
While it’s important to maintain your boundaries and protect your marriage, it’s also crucial to approach your in-laws with kindness and openness.
By building a healthy relationship with them, you create a better foundation for a peaceful and happy marriage.
Celebrating Power Couples: Nigerian entertainers who have been married for over 10 years
Meanwhile, TheRadar earlier reported about 10 entertainers who have defied the odds and proven that true love can stand the test of time and fame in the Nigerian entertainment industry.
Among the celebrities who have been married for over ten years are Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Captain Ekeinde, and others.